Parrot Motivation
What did the parrot say to motivate its friend? "You can be anything, just wing it!"
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🐶 Animal Jokes
Animal jokes are hard to dislike because they are silly in the best way. Whether it is dogs, cats, farm animals, or some poor confused duck in a punchline, these jokes usually land fast and stay easy to share.
This section is great when you want something light, family-friendly, and just a little ridiculous.
Dog Detective
Why did the dog become a detective? Because he had a nose for clues!
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Frog Car Trouble
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down? It gets toad away.
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Cows with Names
There are five cows on a farm, one mama cow and four baby calves. The first three ask about their names: Rose, Lily, Daisy. The last baby says, "Duh huh guh nuh!" Mama cow: "Shut up, Cinderblock."
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Lion Turns Christian
Two guys are chased by a starving lion. One prays: "Turn this lion into a Christian." They look back and see the lion kneeling, praying: "Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive."
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Clarence the Parrot
A burglar hears "Jesus is watching you" in a house. He finds a parrot: "Was it you?" Parrot: "Yes." Burglar: "What’s your name?" Parrot: "Clarence." Burglar: "Who named you that?" Parrot: "The same idiot that named the rottweiler Jesus."
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Penguins Movie Trip
A man takes 10 penguins from a broken truck to the zoo. Later, he takes them to a movie instead. Truck driver asks: "Weren’t you supposed to take them to the zoo?" Man: "I did, and then had extra money so I took them to see a movie."
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Gorilla Rescue
A man sees a gorilla in his tree. Animal control comes with ladder, pit bull, and shotgun. The shotgun is explained: "Oh, that’s for you in case I fall out of the tree instead of the gorilla."
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Elephant and Camel Talk
An elephant asks a camel, "Why do you have boobs on your back?" Camel replies, "Ha! That’s a funny question coming from an animal with a penis hanging from his face."
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Horse Merry-Go-Round
You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right is a sharp drop, left is an elephant. In front is another horse, behind is a lion. What must you do? Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round!
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Monkey Cinema Trip
A boy walks with a monkey. Policeman: "Take that monkey to the zoo." Next day: same monkey, same policeman. Boy: "I did! Today I’m taking him to the cinema."
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Blonde Telegraph
A blonde and a redhead need a bull for $500. Redhead sends telegram "comfortable" → Blonde reads: "Come for ta bull."
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Fish and Elephant Crossover
What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant?
Swimming trunks
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Talking Dog, Horse, and Sheep
Englishman: "That your dog?"
Welshman: "Aye"
Englishman: "Mind if I speak to him?'
Welshman: "Dog don't talk.”
Englishman: “Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog: "Doing all right."
Welshman: (look of shock)
Englishman: “Is this your owner?" (Pointing at the Welshman)
Dog: "Yep."
Englishman: “How's he treating you?"
Dog: "Very good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the park once a week to play."
Welshman: (Look of total disbelief!)
Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Welshman: "Horse don't talk.”
Englishman: "Hey horse how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool."
Welshman: (Extreme look of shock!)
Englishman: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing to the Welshman)
Horse: "Yep."
Englishman: "How's he treating you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down often and keeps me in a nice stable to protect me from the weather."
Welshman: (Look of total amazement!)
Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Welshman: "That sheep's a fucking liar!!”
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Circus Job with Elephants
Did I tell you about my new job at the circus? My job is to circumcise the elephants. The pay isn't great, but the tips are enormous.
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