What's the Most Judgmental Hot Tub?
What's the most judgmental kind of hot tub?
The j'accuzi!
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How I First Laid Eyes on My Future Wife
I first laid eyes on my future wife when we were assigned as partners in anatomy class.
She shouted:
— Ew, Jesus! Get these things off of me!
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A Cannibal's Last Meal Request
A cannibal on death row is asked what he'd like for his last meal.
— Five Guys!
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The Hunter Who Left His Friend in the Woods
Two friends go deer hunting. One returns carrying a large buck, but without his hunting partner.
— Where's Henry? — the others ask.
— He had a stroke a couple of miles up the trail.
— You left him there and brought the deer back instead?
— It was a tough decision, but I figured nobody would steal Henry!
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18+ content
The Blind Date with a Sunday School Teacher
A man goes on a blind date with a Sunday school teacher. She's attractive, but she refuses wine and cigarettes, explaining that she could never tell her Sunday school students about drinking or smoking.
He assumes the evening is going nowhere and takes her home.
At her door, however, she invites him inside. They immediately have passionate sex.
Afterward, he asks:
— That was amazing! But what will you tell the children at Sunday school?
She replies:
— You don't have to drink and smoke to have a good time!
Click to confirm your age and view this joke.
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The Indian Restaurant Called Karma
A new Indian restaurant called Karma doesn't have a menu.
You just get what you deserve!
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How Marriage Has Changed Over 65 Years
Sixty-five years ago, 35% of men kissed their wives goodbye before leaving home.
Today, 88% kiss their homes goodbye before leaving their wives.
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Why I Had to Quit My Job at the Gym
I quit my job at the gym because I couldn't even lift 20 kilograms.
I had to hand in my too-weak notice!
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Two Math Functions Buying a House
Two math functions are buying a house.
At closing, the realtor asks them to sine and cosine!
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How Can You Tell Someone Has Kids?
What do you call it when someone clearly has kids?
Apparent!
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What Do You Call a Really Fat Psychic?
What do you call a really fat psychic?
A four-chin teller!
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Are Tectonic Plates Dishwasher Safe?
Are tectonic plates dishwasher safe?
I want them clean for a continental breakfast!
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The Fishing Pole in the Bathroom
Why did the dyslexic take a fishing pole to the bathroom?
He had to take a carp!
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What Starts With P and Ends With E?
What starts with P, ends with E, and has thousands of letters?
The post office!
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Why Programmers Confuse Halloween and Christmas
Why do programmers get Halloween and Christmas mixed up?
Because oct(31) == dec(25)!
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