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Past Daily Jokes

Browse previous jokes of the day from Daily Joke, catch up on missed daily laughs.

August 15, 2026

Confession Booth Negotiations

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Nina Capelli?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"

"Please, Father! I cannot tell you.”

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"

"Four months’ vacation and five good leads.”

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🎭 General Jokes
August 14, 2026

The Cross-Eyed Judge

Three defendands are standing in front of a cross eyed judge.

The judge asks the first one "Your name sir?"

The second one answers "John Smith".

The Judge, already annoyed " I didn't talk to you"

and the third one goes "but I didn't say anything.."

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🎭 General Jokes
August 13, 2026

The Five-Year Plan Answer

An interviewer asks a candidate, "Where do you see yourself in five years?" The candidate replies, "Personally, I’d love to be a millionaire."

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💼 Work Jokes
August 5, 2026

Johnny’s Logic in Class

Teacher: "Three ducks on a fence, shoot one, how many left?" Johnny: "None, they flew away." Teacher: "No, two, but I like your thinking." Then: "Three women with ice cream, which is married?" Johnny: "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you’re thinking."

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🧒 Kids Jokes
July 31, 2026

Whose Mother?

“Your mother has been with us for 20 years,” said John. “Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?” Helen’s brow furrowed, and she replied, “I thought she was your mother.”

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👨 Dad Jokes
July 28, 2026

No Food Allowed

A sandwich walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don’t serve food here."

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🍺 Bar Jokes
July 25, 2026

Kids Try Swearing at Breakfast

A 7 year old and a 4 year old are in their bedroom. "You know what, I think it's time we started swearing" said the 7 year old.

"When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'll swear first, then you."

"Sure." replied the 4 year old.

They make their way downstairs and their mum asks the 7 year old what he wants for breakfast.

"I'll have frosties, bitch"

WHACK, he flew out of his chair crying his eyes out.

Mum looks at the 4 year old and says sternly "And what do you want?"

"I don't know, but it won't be fucking frosties"

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🧒 Kids Jokes
July 24, 2026

Frog and Rat Bar Trick

A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender, “If I show you a wild trick, will you give me a free drink?”

The bartender shrugs, “Sure, why not?”

The guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out… a tiny rat. Then out of the other pocket, he pulls a teeny-tiny piano.

The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and starts playing the blues like a rodent Ray Charles.

Stunned, the bartender pours him a free drink.

After finishing it, the guy says, “Now, if I show you an even better trick, do I drink free all night?”

“Buddy, if you can top that, you’re drinking on me till closing,” the bartender replies.

The man pulls the rat and piano out again, and this time reaches into his coat and pulls out… a small bullfrog

The frog clears his throat and starts belting out soulful blues lyrics. The rat’s playing, the frog’s singing — the bar is dead silent in awe.

Suddenly, a man rushes up and says, “I’ll give you $10,000 for that frog!”

The guy says, “Nope, not for sale.”

“$25,000!”

“Nope.”

“$50,000! Cash!”

“Deal.”

The bartender’s jaw drops. “Are you CRAZY? That frog was a gold mine! Why’d you sell him?”

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🍺 Bar Jokes
July 19, 2026

Monkey Cinema Trip

A boy walks with a monkey. Policeman: "Take that monkey to the zoo." Next day: same monkey, same policeman. Boy: "I did! Today I’m taking him to the cinema."

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🐶 Animal Jokes
July 18, 2026

The Spontaneous Trip Plan

I told my friends I was planning a spontaneous trip.
They asked, “Where to?”
I said, “Depends where the cheapest flight goes.”
Turns out, I’m spontaneously visiting my living room again.

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✈️ Travel Jokes
July 17, 2026

Stuck in the Elevator

Two guys are stuck in an elevator. One says, "Do you think the buttons still work?" The other says, "I don’t know. Press the ‘Help’ button and see."

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💼 Work Jokes
July 15, 2026

Fourth Time for Ice Cream

At a party, a woman admonished her husband, saying, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?” He shrugged and answered, “Why should it? I keep telling them it’s for you.”

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👨 Dad Jokes
July 10, 2026

Mozart's Ghost

A week after Mozart died, his ghost was discovered trying to erase his music. When asked why, it said "I'm decomposing."

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👨 Dad Jokes
July 8, 2026

Socrates and My Roommate

Socrates once said, “The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.”
My college roommate must have been a genius — he knew nothing about everything.

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🏛️ History Jokes
July 7, 2026

The Airplane Bathroom Buttons

A guy on a long-haul flight is desperate to use the bathroom.

The men’s room is occupied, and he’s doing the potty dance in the aisle.

A sympathetic stewardess whispers, "Look, I’ll let you use the ladies' room, but you must promise: Do not touch the buttons on the wall. They are for female hygiene only."

He promises, rushes in, and relieves himself. As he sits there, he notices four buttons: WW, WA, PP, and ATR.

Curiosity gets the better of him. "Who’s gonna know?" he thinks.

He presses WW. A gentle spray of Warm Water washes his backside. "Man," he thinks, "The guys just get rough toilet paper. This is class!"

He presses WA. A stream of Warm Air dries him comfortably. "Unbelievable! Why don't we have this?"

He presses PP. A Poof of Powder scents the air and leaves him feeling fresh. "This is the greatest bathroom experience of my life!"

He looks at the final button: ATR. He thinks, "If the other three were that good, this one must be the finale." He pushes it.

Everything goes black.

He wakes up in a hospital bed with tubes running out of his arm and a dull ache in his groin. He sees a nurse and croaks, "What happened? The last thing I remember was the ATR button."

The nurse grimaces. "Yes, sir. You were having a great time until then. WW is Warm Water, WA is Warm Air, and PP is Powder Puff."

"Yeah, yeah, but what is ATR?" he begs.

"Sir, ATR stands for Automatic Tampon Remover.

Your penis is in the jar on the nightstand."

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✈️ Travel Jokes
June 28, 2026

Elevator Music

Why did Dad hum in the elevator? He wanted to lift everyone’s spirits!

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👨 Dad Jokes
June 27, 2026

Balcony Commentary Gone Too Far



A couple wants to have sex but their son is in the house. The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon “quickie ” with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities…

“There’s a car being towed from the parking lot,” he shouted.He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.

“An ambulance just drove by!”

“Looks like the Andersons have company,” he called out.

“Matt’s riding a new bike!”

“Looks like the Sanders are moving!”

“Jason is on his skate board!”

After a few moments he announced… “The Coopers are having sex. Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed.

Dad cautiously called out…”How do you know they’re having sex?” “Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle.”

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💞 Relationship Jokes
June 26, 2026

The Silent Treatment Backfires

A husband and wife had been arguing, and they both decided to give each other the silent treatment. Two days later, the husband realized he needed his wife to wake him up at 5 a.m. for an early flight. Too proud to break the silence, he wrote on a piece of paper:
“Please wake me up at 5.”
The next morning, he woke up at 9 a.m. — furious.
On his nightstand was another note:
“It’s 5. Wake up.”

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💞 Relationship Jokes
June 24, 2026

Grow a Pear

My neighbour told me he was scared to plant an apple tree…

I told him to grow a pear.

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🧠 Puns Jokes
June 23, 2026

Following the Horoscope

My wife reads her horoscope every morning.
Yesterday she said, “It says today I should avoid arguments.”
I smiled and said, “Good idea.”
She glared and said, “Don’t tell me what to do.”

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💞 Relationship Jokes
June 22, 2026

Humble Equal Sign

Why was the equal sign so humble? Because it knew it wasn’t less than or greater than anyone else.

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💻 Geek Jokes
June 17, 2026

The Missing Suitcase Problem

A man arrives at the airport baggage claim, but his suitcase never shows up. He goes to the counter and complains.
The clerk says, “Don’t worry, sir, we’re professionals. Your bag will be found and delivered to your home within 48 hours.”
The man says, “That’s great, but I live here.”

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✈️ Travel Jokes
June 10, 2026

One for the Road

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, 'A beer please, and one for the road.'

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🍺 Bar Jokes
June 9, 2026

Alzheimer’s Diagnosis Twist Joke

Mr. Smith is at the doctor. The doctor says, "I have bad news, you have cancer and you have Alzheimer's." Mr. Smith thinks for a moment and says, "well at least I don't have cancer."

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🩺 Medical Jokes
June 3, 2026

Dad's Joke Inheritance

My dad has been telling the same corny jokes for 20 years.
Last week, he looked at me and said, “Son, one day, all these jokes will be yours.”
I said, “That’s the worst inheritance I could imagine.”
He said, “Pun accepted.”

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👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Family Jokes
June 1, 2026

Elephant and Camel Talk

An elephant asks a camel, "Why do you have boobs on your back?" Camel replies, "Ha! That’s a funny question coming from an animal with a penis hanging from his face."

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🐶 Animal Jokes
May 24, 2026

Choosing a Punishment in Hell

Once upon a time, an evil man passed away, and his soul was sent to Hell. When he stood before the Devil, Satan address him thus:

"Sinful mortal, you have arrived in my domain on a most auspicious day. Usually, I judge your sins and sentence you to an appropriate punishment. However, for this day only, I shall give you the choice of your eternal punishment. Choose wisely".

The Devil then lead him down an infinitely long hallway, lined with an equally infinite amount of doors. The Devil opened the door to the first room, which contained numerous souls slowly being flayed. The Devil asked the evil man if he wanted to choose this punishment, which the man declines.

The Devil and the Evil Man continued down the way, looking into every room with equally unimaginable torments as the first. For each one, the Devil asked the man if this would be the punishment he wanted, and in each room, the man declined.

Finally, after an indeterminate amount of time, the Devil and the evil man arrived to the final room. Once inside, the evil man stared in amazement at a pile of feces, the size of a mountain. Scattered amongst the pile sat numerous dammed souls, drinking cups of coffee.

"Well mortal," asked the Devil, "this room is the last one in my domain, and the last which you can willingly accept. If you decline this room, then I shall choose your eternal fate for you". Given this ultimatum, the Evil Man agreed to accept that room as his punishment.

Once the Devil closed and locked the door behind him, the Evil Man climbed up the mountain of dung and poured himself a cup of coffee.

Just as he was putting the cup to his lips, a large and imposing demon, bearing a large, flaming whip barged into the room. With a crack of the whip the demon bellowed:

CRACK "Okay, you shit eaters, time to get back to work; coffee break is over"!

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😄 Community Jokes
May 20, 2026

The Traffic Misunderstanding

So a guy is sitting at a bar looking dejected. The bartender says, "What's wrong, buddy?"

The guy says, "My wife is divorcing me."

"Why? What happened?"

"Well," says the guy, "my wife said, 'If anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new.'"

"So?" says the bartender.

And the guys says, "Apparently, 'anything' doesn't include getting stuck in traffic."

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💞 Relationship Jokes
May 18, 2026

Fallen Arches

“My son had to give up his career because of fallen arches,” said a man to his friend. “He’s an athlete?” the friend asked. The man shook his head and replied, “An architect.”

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👨 Dad Jokes
May 15, 2026

The Zoo Gorilla Replacement

A Famous gorilla at a zoo in Denmark died , conseqently the zoo started losing money , for He was a crowd puller.

To make matters worse , they have no natural population of Gorillas in Europe ,so they hired a man to act as a gorilla with a well crafted suit.

He entertained many and the profits were rolling in , one day though as he was performing his antics , He fell into the lion`s enclosure and started screaming for His life ... save me! ... save me! , then the lion slapped him and whispered in His ear stop or we'll both get fired.

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💼 Work Jokes
May 14, 2026

Lobster Tale

A man dining at a seafood restaurant asked for a lobster tail. The waitress smiled sweetly and said, “Once upon a time, there was this lobster …”

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👨 Dad Jokes
May 13, 2026

Family Game Night

We tried to have family game night, but it turned into family argument night.
The rules were simple: no cheating, no yelling, no phones.
By the end, we’d broken all three — and possibly the board.

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👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Family Jokes

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