Two Fish in a Tank
Two fish in a tank, one says to the other; "You man the guns, I'll drive!"
🐶 Animal Jokes
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🐶 Animal Jokes
Animal jokes bring dogs, cats, farm animals and wildlife into quick puns and longer comic stories. Browse by animal, or choose a story to tell aloud.
This broader category includes different tones. For younger listeners, start with the Clean Jokes for Family Time collection.
What's Grey and Comes in Buckets?
What's grey and comes in buckets? An elephant.
🐶 Animal Jokes
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Why Do Elephants Have Four Feet?
Why do elephants have four feet? Because six inches would never satisfy a female elephant.
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Dog and Cat Argument
A dog and a cat are having an argument about which is the favorite with humans.
The dog says:
- Humans like us more; they even named a tooth after us, the canine. Naming and important body parts proves they like dogs more.
The cat smiled and says:
- You know, you are not going to win this one
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Rhinoceros and the Fourth Wall
A rhinoceros wakes to find itself in a room with no doors or windows.
All four walls of the room are made of hollow cinder block, but three of the four walls are reinforced with rebar and cement filling rendering them unbreakable.
Utterly confused, the rhinoceros studies the room for a moment and then tries ramming into the first wall to get itself free, but is stunned to find that it won't budge because it is reinforced and completely solid.
The rhinoceros shakes it off and tries ramming the second wall to knock it down, but only managed to break off a few small crumbs because it, too, is reinforced.
In a total daze, the rhinoceros tries ramming the third wall, but then falls over unconscious from trying to ram yet another reinforced wall.
After a few minutes, the rhinoceros regains consciousness and slowly pulls to its feet. Both exhausted and completely unable to withstand ramming another reinforced wall, the poor rhinoceros sinks its head in failure and has all but given up hope.
...but then, with a sudden stroke of genius, the rhinoceros stands on it's hind legs, clears its throat, and asks you, the reader,
"Should I try breaking the fourth wall?"
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The Penguins Go to the Zoo
Guy pulls up to a gas station, and the attendant notices there are 5 penguins in the back seat
Attendant says, "wtf - you have 5 penguins in your back seat."
"I KNOW!" the guy says, "They jumped in at the light, and now I don't know what to do."
Attendant thinks for a second and says, "I'll tell you what I'd do - I'd take them to the zoo."
"That's a great idea!" says the driver.
A week later, same driver pulls in with the same 5 penguins, only now they're wearing sunglasses.
"What are you doing - I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo!" exclaims the attendant.
"We did go! We had a great time! Today we're going to the beach!"
🐶 Animal Jokes
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What the Baby Moles Could Smell
Papa mole, mamma mole and their two baby moles were in their tunnel beneath the grocery store.
Papa mole stopped, sniffed, and said, “Oooh, we’re underneath the sugar now.” A little later he stopped, sniffed, and said, “Oooh, we’re underneath the honey now.” A little more time passed and papa mole stopped, sniffed, and said, “Oooh, we’re underneath the maple syrup now.”
After the moles got home, the two baby moles asked mamma mole whether she was able to smell the sugar, honey, and maple syrup. She said, “Not as well as your papa, but yes. Couldn’t you two smell them?”
The baby moles looked at each other and one spoke up, “To be honest, all we could smell was molasses.”
🐶 Animal Jokes
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Careful kisses
How do porcupines kiss?
Carefully!
🐶 Animal Jokes
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Dog magician
What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador.
🐶 Animal Jokes
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Crime-fighting ant
What do you call an ant who fights crime?
A vigilANTe!
🐶 Animal Jokes
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Spelling insect
What's the smartest insect?
A spelling bee!
🐶 Animal Jokes
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