Left Side Amputated
Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now.
👨 Dad Jokes
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👨 Dad Jokes
Dad jokes live in that sweet spot between clever and unbearable. You see the pun coming, you know you should resist it, and then it still gets a laugh or at least a groan strong enough to count as a win.
This page is for quick jokes you can remember, repeat, and confidently use on people who did not ask for them.
Fourth Time for Ice Cream
At a party, a woman admonished her husband, saying, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?” He shrugged and answered, “Why should it? I keep telling them it’s for you.”
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Whose Mother?
“Your mother has been with us for 20 years,” said John. “Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?” Helen’s brow furrowed, and she replied, “I thought she was your mother.”
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Fallen Arches
“My son had to give up his career because of fallen arches,” said a man to his friend. “He’s an athlete?” the friend asked. The man shook his head and replied, “An architect.”
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Lobster Tale
A man dining at a seafood restaurant asked for a lobster tail. The waitress smiled sweetly and said, “Once upon a time, there was this lobster …”
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Changed My Mind
I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
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What Year?
“I’d like a bottle of wine,” a woman told her waiter. “What year, ma’am?” the waiter replied. She huffed and said, “Well, I’d like it right now.”
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Grandpa Timeline Mix-Up
“Son, I found a condom in your room.”
“Hey, thanks, Grandpa!”
“Why are you calling me Grandpa?”
“Because I couldn’t find it yesterday.”
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Socks in Microwave
Why did Dad put his socks in the microwave? He wanted them to be hot off the press!
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Sticky Note Pun
I tried to write a sticky note joke, but it kept sticking to itself.
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Elevator Music
Why did Dad hum in the elevator? He wanted to lift everyone’s spirits!
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I Never Make Mistakes
I never make mistakes…I thought I did once; but I was wrong.
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Right 97% of the Time
I'm right 97% of the time. Who cares about the other 4%
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Two Nuns on a Park Bench
Two nuns are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat runs up and flashes them. The first nun has a stroke. The second nun tried but she couldn't reach.
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Brown and Rhymes with Snoop
What's brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr. Dre
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