Free Batteries for the Holidays
Walmart is giving away dead batteries for the holidays…
Free of charge.
- Daily Joke
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Ironman’s Favorite Christmas Present
Ironman’s favorite Christmas present this year were rockets he can fire from his feet.
He calls them missile toes.
- Daily Joke
Why Don’t Mummies Go on Holiday?
Why don’t mummies go on holiday?
They’re scared they’ll relax and unwind!
- Daily Joke
Why Are There No Scientific Holidays?
Do you know why there are religious holidays but no scientific holidays?
Because science always works.
- Daily Joke
A Scotsman on Holiday in Canada
A Scotsman walks into a bar while on holiday in Canada.
And he says to the barman, “What is that thing there that you’ve got hanging from the wall?”
And the Canadian behind the bar says, “That right there, sir, is our prized possession; it’s a moose that was killed just over there in my very own back yard.”
The Scotsman slams his beer down on the table in shock and says, “My God! If that’s a moose, then I would love to see the size of your cats.”
- Daily Joke
What Do These Famous Figures Have in Common?
What do Jesus, Columbus, Washington, Lincoln, and MLK have in common?
They were all born on holidays.
- Daily Joke
How Do You Hide a Video Game Before Christmas?
How do you hide a new video game before Christmas?
You put the cartridge in a pear tree.
- Daily Joke
Throw a Dart and Pick a Holiday
Yesterday, a husband purchased a world map…gave his wife a dart and said to her, “Throw this, and wherever it lands, I’m taking you for a holiday”.
Turns out they’re spending three weeks behind the fridge.
- Daily Joke
What Holiday Do Vampires Celebrate?
What would be the national holiday for a nation of vampires?
Fangs-giving!
- Daily Joke
Holiday Weight Gain Study
Studies have shown that women who gain seven or more pounds over the holidays have a longer life expectancy…
… than the men who point it out.
- Daily Joke
Hunting at the Girlfriend’s Parents’ Farm
A guy goes with his girlfriend to stay at her parents’ house for the holidays.
The couple lives in the city, and the parents live on a farm. The boyfriend is unused to the quiet country life, and after a couple of days, he’s pretty bored. His girlfriend’s father comes in and says, “Hey, young fella, if you’re looking for something to do, why not take the dogs out for a bit of hunting? There’s a shotgun behind the laundry door.” Guy comes back a couple of hours later, and the father says, “How was it?”
“That was amazing! Have you got any more dogs?”
- Daily Joke
Who Thinks Christmas Songs Are About Her?
Who thinks all the Christmas songs are about her?
Carol.
- Daily Joke
Far Away From Family for the Holidays
Some of us live thousands of miles away from most of our relatives and can’t be with them this holiday season…
… Please don’t be jealous.
- Daily Joke
Where Do Flies Go for a Holiday?
Where do flies go for a holiday?
Flywaii.
- Daily Joke
What Do You Call a Holiday Soda Giver?
What do you call someone who gives out soda during the Holiday season?
Fanta Clause.
- Daily Joke
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