Velcro Is a Ripoff
Velcro. What a ripoff
- Daily Joke
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Whiteboards Are Remarkable
White boards are remarkable
- Daily Joke
Right 97% of the Time
I'm right 97% of the time. Who cares about the other 4%
- Daily Joke
I Never Make Mistakes
I never make mistakes…I thought I did once; but I was wrong.
- Daily Joke
Kleptomaniac Pun Joke
It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
- Daily Joke
Alzheimer’s Diagnosis Twist Joke
Mr. Smith is at the doctor. The doctor says, "I have bad news, you have cancer and you have Alzheimer's." Mr. Smith thinks for a moment and says, "well at least I don't have cancer."
- Daily Joke
Doctor Exam Awkward Moment Joke
Mr smith is going to an urologist. The Dr. says: Well Mr. Smith, you really have to stop masturbating. Mr. Smith asks: Why? The doctor: Because I can't do my exam like this.
- Daily Joke
The Egg in Boiling Water
What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water?
It's going to take me a minute to get hard, I just got laid this morning.
- Greg
The Circus Job Interview
A man goes to the circus. After the show he speaks to the manager and asks for a job.
"Alright, what can you do?", the manager asks.
-"I can do great bird impressions", the man replies.
-"Pssh, a lot of people can do that".
-"Oh well", the man says and flies away.
- Greg
Orange That Sounds Like a Parrot
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
- Daily Joke
Premature Ejaculation Problem
So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere...
- Daily Joke
Bumped Into Everyone at the Opticians
You'll never guess who I bumped into on the way to the opticians! Everyone.
- Daily Joke
What Women Really Want
The one thing women want more than anything else in their relationship is security.
I know this because whenever I flirt with them, it's the one word they always shout.
- anonymous
The Audi Quattro Argument
Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border
The Italian customs officer stops them and tells them: "Itsa illegala to putta 5 people in a Quattro!"
"Vot do you mean, it's illegal?" asks the German driver.
"Quattro means four!" replies the Italian official.
"Quattro iz just ze name of ze fokken automobile" the Germans retort unbelievingly. "Look at ze dam paperz: Ze car is dezigned to carry 5 people!"
"You canta pulla thata one on me!" replies the Italian customs officer. "Quattro meansa four. You havea five-a people ina your car and you are therefore breaking the law!"
The German replies angrily " You ideeiot! Call ze zupervizor over! Schnell! I vant to spik to zumvun viz more intelligence!!!"
"Sorry" respondes the Italian, "He canta comea . He's a buzy with a two guys in a Fiat Uno."
- Paul F
The Doctor’s Strange Diagnosis
a woman told her doctor she orgasms every time she sneezes
the doctor said: "are you taking anything for that?"
she replied: "yeah, pepper."
- Paul F
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