Why Grasshoppers Skip Soccer
Why don’t grasshoppers watch soccer?
They watch cricket, instead.
- Daily Joke
Joke library
All Jokes
883 jokes and counting
Browse every joke on Daily Joke in one place, with clean jokes, dad jokes, one-liners, animal jokes, work jokes, and more.
Why Cinderella Was Bad at Sports
Why was Cinderella bad in sports?
Her coach was a pumpkin and she ran away from the ball.
- Daily Joke
The Defensive End’s Problem
Why couldn’t the defensive end pass any of his tests?
He was a tackling dummy.
- Daily Joke
Why Pitchers Lift One Leg
Why does a pitcher raise one leg when he throws the ball?
If he raises them both, he’d fall down.
- Daily Joke
The Tea Football Players Drink
What kind of tea do football players drink?
Penal-tea.
- Daily Joke
How Hockey Players Kiss
How do hockey players kiss?
They pucker up.
- Daily Joke
The Player Who Misses Every Dunk
What do you call a player that constantly misses slam dunks?
Alley Whoops.
- Daily Joke
The Rules of Zebra Baseball
What are the rules for zebra baseball?
Three stripes and you’re out.
- Daily Joke
Why Hockey Players Make Friends Easily
Why are hockey players so good at making friends?
They’re quick to break the ice.
- Daily Joke
How Baseball Players Stay Connected
How do baseball players keep in touch?
They touch base every once in a while.
- Daily Joke
Why Baseball Games Are at Night
Why are baseball games at night?
The bats sleep during the day.
- Daily Joke
Pickpocket vs Umpire
What’s the difference between a pickpocket and an umpire?
One steals watches and one watches steals.
- Daily Joke
What Never Moves on the Field
What goes all the way around the baseball field but never moves?
The fence.
- Daily Joke
The Baseball Player Who Holds Water
Which baseball player holds water?
The pitcher.
- Daily Joke
The Co-Pilot’s Lesson
A fresh co-pilot is flying with a seasoned airline captain. The captain says to the co-pilot, "I want to test how well you know the airplane."
"I am going to go to the lavatory for a #2", says the captain. "When I come back, tell me whether the airplane gets lighter as I relieve myself."
The captain went to do his business, and when he comes back, he asks the co-pilot: "Well, son, is the aircraft any lighter now"?
The co-pilot eagerly answers, wanting to impress the captain: "No, sir, our aircraft does not release lavatory waste when in flight. It is securely stored in the onboard septic tank until the airplane lands and it is flushed by the maintenance crew. Therefore, as a closed system, the weight of the aircraft remained the same before and after you relieved yourself."
"All you think about is shit, son!", says the captain. "The airplane is lighter now because I was away for 15 minutes and we used up two hundred gallons of jet fuel during this time!"
- Daily Joke
Get one good joke in your inbox
If this page made you smile, let us send you the next one.
Join the Daily Joke newsletter and get a clean, quick joke of the day by email.