18+ content
What Car Does a Non-Binary Person Drive?
If lesbians drive Subarus, what kind of car does a non-binary person drive?
They don't care as long as it gets them/their.
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- Daily Joke
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The Unexpected Reaction to His Wife's Affair
A man finds his wife in bed with another dude.
Furious, he asks his wife, "WHO IS THIS?!"
The woman, completely unfazed, replies:
"This is the man who paid for your children's school, the renovations on the house, the nice car I bought that you use to go fishing with your mates, and the one who helped you land that well-paying job last year. What do you have to say about that?"
The husband looks at the man for a moment, then shouts:
"COVER HIM! DON'T YOU SEE HE'S GETTING COLD?!"
- Daily Joke
18+ content
The Anniversary Dinner and the Mistress
A husband and wife are celebrating their 30th anniversary at a quiet romantic restaurant when a beautiful young woman walks up to their table, kisses the husband deeply on the lips, and says, "See you tomorrow, babe," before strolling out.
The wife is absolutely furious. She slams her glass down and screams, "Who the fuck was that?!"
The husband calmly takes a sip of his wine and says, "Relax, honey. That’s my mistress."
"Mistress?!" the wife shreks. "That is it! I want a divorce, I'm taking the house, the kids, and half of everything you own!"
The husband shrugs. "Fine, if that's what you want. But remember, if we divorce, that means no more shopping trips to Paris, no more summer villa in Tuscany, no more Infiniti in the driveway, and no more country club membership. The choice is yours."
Just then, they look across the restaurant and see a mutual friend of theirs sitting with a stunning brunette.
The wife narrows her eyes and asks, "Isn't that Richard over there? Who is he with?"
The husband nods. "Oh, that's his mistress."
The wife takes a long sip of her champagne, looks back at her husband, and says, "Well... I must say, ours is much prettier."
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- Daily Joke
What is british secret service's favourite
What is british secret service's favourite drink? Securi-tea!
- Pharrel
When Even Your Calendar Says No
I asked my calendar for a date and it sayd “I don’t think you’re ready for that kind of commitment.”
- Kaiser
The Bragging Contest With No Winner
Three friends were bragging about who has the most sex. The first guy starts, “Y'all ain't got nothing on me! I can go to any bar and bring home a new woman every night! Not only that, but I drive a corvette and have an 8 inch penis! I've slept with more than 1,000 women!”
Second guy fires back, “Oh yeah? Well I’m a top gynecologist at the highest rated hospital in the world. I make $800,000 a year, have patients and nurses who have sex with me every hour I’m at work. All the women compliment me on my 12 inch penis and I've slept with well over 5,000 women.”
Last guy chuckles, “I have you all beat. I fucked over all the website visitors who were expecting a punchline to this joke.”
- Daily Joke
Backwards Stereo Types
Asked my son what he learned in school today. He said “Gay men like ynoS. Lesbians favour ahamaY, and transgender people prefer esoB.
I knelt down and put my hand on his shoulder and said “Son, those are just backwards stereo types.”
- Daily Joke
18+ content
The Doctor’s Orange Mystery
Guy goes to the doctor, says, "Doc! Doc! You gotta help me! My damn dick turned bright orange!"
The doctors says, "Really? Oh my, I've never heard of that before. Let's take a look."
So the man drops his pants and underwear, and sure enough the doctor sees the brightest, orangest penis he's ever seen.
"Hm," says the doctor, "do you now or have you ever by any chance worked in a dye factory?"
"Nah, never done that for work" the man replies.
"Well," the doctor continues, "do you work with any dangerous chemicals?"
"Nope, sounds too scary, wouldn't do that either" says the man.
Stumped, the doctor then asks, "Ok, do you work with radioactive materials then?"
"No, Doc, you don't get it!" the man retorts, "This can't be work related, gotta be something else! I've been unemployed for months now, all I do is sit around the house eating Cheetos and watching porn!"
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- Daily Joke
18+ content
Johnny’s Daily Walk
Every day Johnny walks by the same group of prostitutes on his way to school. Every day they say "Hello" and wave their pinky fingers at him.
One day Johnny stops and asks, "Why do you always wave your pinky fingers at me?" One replies "Because that's how big we think your penis is."
The next day as he's walking to school, and the women say hello, waving their pinkies. Johnny turns to them, puts his fingers in his mouth and stretches it as wide as it will go, while saying "Hi ladies!"
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- Daily Joke
18+ content
The Train Compartment Agreement
A man and a woman who had never met before found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Trans-continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly.....He in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.
"Good," she replied. "Get your own fucking blanket."
After a moment of silence, he farted.
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- Daily Joke
18+ content
The Park Bench Incident
Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a man in a trench coat came up and flashed them. One old lady immediately had a stroke. The other couldn't quite reach.
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- Daily Joke
18+ content
The Nun in a Wheelchair
"What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Virgin Mobile."
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- Daily Joke
18+ content
The Bedroom Comeback
A guy walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm. His wife is lying on the bed reading a book.
He says: "This is the pig I fuck when you have a headache."
She says: " I think you'll find that's actually a sheep under your arm."
He says: " I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
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- Daily Joke
18+ content
The Dinosaur Name Question
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lickallotofpuss
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- Daily Joke
18+ content
Calling the Fire Department
Lady calls the fire department, says her house is on fire. Fire dept says
"How do we get there?"
She says
"How about that big red fuckin truck you drive all over the place?"
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- Daily Joke
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