Gorilla Rescue
A man sees a gorilla in his tree. Animal control comes with ladder, pit bull, and shotgun. The shotgun is explained: "Oh, thatβs for you in case I fall out of the tree instead of the gorilla."
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A man sees a gorilla in his tree. Animal control comes with ladder, pit bull, and shotgun. The shotgun is explained: "Oh, thatβs for you in case I fall out of the tree instead of the gorilla."
A man takes 10 penguins from a broken truck to the zoo. Later, he takes them to a movie instead. Truck driver asks: "Werenβt you supposed to take them to the zoo?" Man: "I did, and then had extra money so I took them to see a movie."
A burglar hears "Jesus is watching you" in a house. He finds a parrot: "Was it you?" Parrot: "Yes." Burglar: "Whatβs your name?" Parrot: "Clarence." Burglar: "Who named you that?" Parrot: "The same idiot that named the rottweiler Jesus."
Two guys are chased by a starving lion. One prays: "Turn this lion into a Christian." They look back and see the lion kneeling, praying: "Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive."
There are five cows on a farm, one mama cow and four baby calves. The first three ask about their names: Rose, Lily, Daisy. The last baby says, "Duh huh guh nuh!" Mama cow: "Shut up, Cinderblock."
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down? It gets toad away.
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" Father: "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies." Child asked mother: "How were people born?" Mother: "We were monkeys then evolved." Child: "You lied to me!" Father: "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
Why didnβt knights use WiFi? They preferred swords over signals!
Why did the pharaoh refuse to wake up early? He didnβt want to rise and shine!
Why didnβt the dinosaur finish history homework? Because it was extinct!
Why did the beach towel run away? It didnβt want to be taken for granted!
I tried to fight jet lag with coffee. Now Iβm awake in three different time zones!
Why did the suitcase refuse to travel? It was feeling a little checked out!
Why does laundry always win? Because it piles on the pressure!
Grandma asked me why WiFi isnβt magic. I told her it kind of is!
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