The Overworked Moon
Why did the moon get fired from its job? It was always phasing out.
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The Stressed Lamp
What did the lamp say to the lightbulb? You need to stop burning out.
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The Overworked Chef
Why did the chef get fired? He kept stirring up trouble in the kitchen.
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The Anxious Clock
What did the clock say to the hourglass? You’re always falling apart.
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DIY Disaster
Tried to build a bookshelf from online instructions. The final product looked great until I realized it was actually a very elaborate paperweight.
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A Once-in-a-Lifetime Trip
When on holiday, a man smoked cannabis for the first time before dying.
It was a once in a lifetime trip.
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She’s a Keeper
At the end of the holiday visit, Ted asked his dad if he approved of his new girlfriend, even though the only job she’s ever had was working at a zoo.
The father said, “Son, she’s a keeper.”
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Why Was Frosty Inspecting the Carrots?
Why was frosty inspecting the carrots at the grocery store?
He was picking his nose.
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Why Does Captain Nemo Get Coal?
Why does Captain Nemo always get coal at Christmas?
Because he’s on the Nautilus.
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Justin Timberlake’s Holiday in Russia
Where does Justin Timberlake take his holidays in Russia?
Crimea River.
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What Do You Call a Wreath Made of $100 Bills?
What do you call a wreath made of 100$ bills?
Aretha Franklins.
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God Chooses a Holiday Destination
God couldn’t decide where to go for a holiday.
The angels suggested the planet Venus. “Too hot,” said god.
Then they suggested Pluto? “Too cold,” said god.
What about planet Earth, they wondered. “Hell no,” said god. I was down there about 2,000 years ago. Slept with some woman named Mary and they’re still talking about it!”
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How Does Santa Enter So Many Homes?
Why is Santa able to enter so many homes on Christmas Eve?
He has “Probable Claus.”
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Why Is Halloween a Hillbilly’s Favorite Holiday?
Why is Halloween a hillbilly’s favorite holiday?
Because they like to pumpkin.
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How Do You Wash Your Hands Over the Holiday?
How do you wash your hands over the holiday?
With Santatizer.
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