Still “Sexy” After All
My wife thinks I’m still sexy.
When I walk by she says “What an ass!”
- Daily Joke
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Grammar Corrections Gone Wrong
My wife gets really turned on when I correct her grammar. Whenever I do, she says, "I want to fuck you!"
Well, to save time she omits the first three words, but I know what she means.
- Daily Joke
A Different Kind of “Sex Object”
My wife is a sex object.
I suggest sex and she objects.
- Daily Joke
The “Sex Machine” Compliment
My wife thinks I’m a sex machine.
She refers to me as a “fucking tool”!
- Daily Joke
What She Really Says
My wife loves having sex with me!
Everytime I walk by or hear her talking about me to her friends, I always hear her say, "What a dick!"
- Daily Joke
Why Swedish Ships Don’t Get Lost
Why don’t Swedish ships ever get lost?
Because they always follow the fjord!
- J
The Best Thing About Switzerland
What's the best thing about Switzerland?
I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
- Natasha
Socrates and My Roommate
Socrates once said, “The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.”
My college roommate must have been a genius — he knew nothing about everything.
- Daily Joke
The Cruise Question
On my first cruise, I asked the captain if the ship ever sank.
He said, “Only once.”
Not comforting.
- Daily Joke
World's Best Sister Mug
For my sister’s birthday, I got her a mug that says “World’s Best Sister.”
She looked at it and said, “You know there’s only one of me, right?”
I said, “Yeah, that’s why it was on clearance.”
- Daily Joke
Life Without the Alarm Clock
My wife hates my alarm clock. Every morning when it rings, she elbows me and says, “Turn it off!”
So I finally did — for good.
Now, instead of an alarm, I wake up to her saying, “Why are you still here?”
- Daily Joke
Caveman Out Clubbing
A caveman walks into his cave holding a torch.
His wife says, “You smell like smoke! Where have you been?”
He says, “Out clubbing.”
- Daily Joke
Getting Directions in Italy
While driving in Italy, I asked a local for directions.
He said, “Go straight until you see a church, then turn left after the second one.”
I said, “There are churches everywhere!”
He shrugged. “Then you’ll find God before you find your hotel.”
- Daily Joke
Dad's Internet Fix
My dad called me and said, “The internet is down.”
I asked, “What do you mean?”
He said, “Google won’t open.”
I said, “Did you restart the router?”
He said, “No, I restarted the fridge. That usually works.”
- Daily Joke
The Cooking Lesson Ends Early
My wife said she was going to teach me how to cook.
She started by saying, “Okay, first preheat the oven.”
I asked, “To what temperature?”
She said, “To the one I always use.”
I said, “And that would be…?”
She said, “The one that works.”
Lesson over.
- Daily Joke
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