Tea and cookies
I bought a smart kettle. It won't boil until I accept cookies.
Finally, a device that understands tea.
- Daily Joke
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Browse every joke on Daily Joke in one place, with clean jokes, dad jokes, one-liners, animal jokes, work jokes, and more.
My Girlfriend Got Mad Because I Wore Her Clothes
My girlfriend was mad I was wearing her clothes.
It's not my fault I look better in them than her.
- Daily Joke
18+ content
How to Join a Piss Fetish Club
It's really easy to join a piss fetish club.
All you have to do is show up and urine.
Click to confirm your age and view this joke.
- Daily Joke
The Brave Woman at the Dentist
A woman tells the dentist, "I need a tooth pulled, and I don't have time for the numbing shot. Just yank it."
Dentist: "What a brave woman! Which tooth is it?"
The woman turns to her husband and says, "Show him your tooth, dear."
- Daily Joke
Fired From the French Fry Factory
I got fired from the French fry factory for stealing inventory.
They made a big deal out of it, but really it was small potatoes.
- Daily Joke
My Wife Says I Ruined Her Birthday
My wife isn't talking to me. She said I ruined her birthday.
I'm not sure how. I didn't even know it was her birthday.
- Daily Joke
A Salt and Battery on the Subway
I called my daughter to ask how things were going in the big city.
She said, "Well, some weirdo on the subway demanded that I give him sodium chloride and a 9-volt battery. So I guess that's my first mugging."
I said, "No, sweetie... that's a salt and battery."
- Daily Joke
18+ content
Little Johnny and the Most Important Punctuation Mark
Teacher: "What is the most important punctuation mark?"
Johnny: "The period?"
Teacher: "Can you tell me why?"
Johnny: "I don't know, but when my sister missed one of hers, my mom fainted, my dad got mad, and the neighbor left town and never came back."
Click to confirm your age and view this joke.
- Daily Joke
My Son's New Girlfriend Is a Hockey Player
My son showed me a picture of his new girlfriend.
She was dressed in full hockey gear, including pads, a mask, gloves, and a blocker.
I said, "Congratulations. She looks like a keeper."
- Daily Joke
A Type O Rabbit
A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood.
The nurse asked the rabbit: “What is your blood type?”
The rabbit says, “I think I might be a type O.”
- Daily Joke
Saving Money by Running
A very frugal couple is always trying to out-frugal each other. One day the husband bursts through the front door sweating and breathing heavily.
“Guess what? I saved $2 today running behind the bus.”
His wife screams, “You moron! You could have saved $50 if you ran behind a cab.”
- Daily Joke
AutoCorrect Office
I sent an email saying I’d be late for the meeting. AutoCorrect changed it to ‘I’ll be latte for the meeting.’ Turns out my boss likes coffee as much as punctuality.
- Daily Joke
Library Checkout Horror
A student borrowed a book on procrastination and returned it late. The librarian said, "You’re still reading the book." He replied, "I’m just making sure it’s overdue enough to be relevant."
- Daily Joke
The Misbehaving Thermostat
My thermostat keeps going crazy. It finally asked me, "Can we just agree that 75°F is a compromise?" I replied, "You’re the one who’s been turning up the heat on my patience."
- Daily Joke
Quantum Coffee
I asked my barista for a quantum coffee. He handed me two cups—one was hot, one was cold, and neither had a clear state until I drank it.
- Daily Joke
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