His Lips Were Sealed
He didn't tell his mother that he ate some glue. His lips were sealed.
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Why He Wears Glasses During Math
He wears glasses during math because it improves division.
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I Wrote a Song for a Tortilla
I wrote a song for a tortilla. Well, its more of a wrap.
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Why Did the Octopus Beat the Shark?
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
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Skydiving Is Not for You
1. If at first you don't succeed then skydiving is not for you.
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Stop With the Blind Jokes
Stop with the blind jokes...I dont see the point.
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A Donation for the Local Swimming Pool
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
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Weight Loss Pills Stolen This Morning
Weight loss pills stolen this morning - police say suspects are still at large.
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A Criminal's Best Asset
A criminals best asset is his lie ability.
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The Shower Gets Turned On
When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.
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That's a Whisk I'm Willing to Take
My room mates are concerned that I'm using their kitchen utensils, but that's a whisk i'm willing to take.
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Thanks for Explaining the Word Many
Thanks for explaining the word 'many' to me, it means alot.
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He Only Had His Shelf to Blame
A man died today when a pile of books fell on him. He only had his shelf to blame.
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The Gentleman Who Came Back for Dinner
The Gentleman Who Came Back for Dinner
One evening, an impeccably dressed older gentleman walked into a very expensive restaurant in Paris's 6th arrondissement. He wore a tailored suit, a silk tie and highly polished black Gucci shoes.
The gentleman ordered champagne, foie gras, lobster and a vintage bottle of Bordeaux. For dessert, he selected the most expensive item on the menu and ordered a brandy.
When he had finished his meal, the waiter presented him with the bill.
The gentleman looked at the waiter and said, “I don't know if you remember me, but many, many years ago, I was quite down on my luck. I came here for a meal and, when it came time to pay, I couldn't.”
The waiter looked at him more closely.
“You publicly humiliated me,” the gentleman continued. “You had security march me through the restaurant and throw me out into the street.”
The waiter suddenly remembered the incident. His face turned bright red and he began apologizing profusely.
The gentleman held up his hand.
“Don't worry, old chap,” he said. “I’m terribly sorry, but I’m going to have to ask you to do it again.”
- Daily Joke
18+ content
The Siamese Twins and the Trombone
A man meets two women at a bar who are Siamese twins: Suzie and Cheryl. He buys them a few drinks and they wind up back at his place. After a few more drinks he starts to make out with Suzie. Realizing Cheryl might get bored, he asks her, "Is there anything you would like to do?"
Cheryl says, "I see a trombone in the corner; I'll play that!"
The night continues with the man having sex with Suzie while Cheryl plays the trombone.
A few weeks later, the Siamese twins are walking past the man's apartment. Suzie says, "Do you think we should stop and say hello?"
And Cheryl says, "I don't know, Do you think he'll remember us?"
Click to confirm your age and view this joke.
- Daily Joke
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