Love and Money Question
A man asked his wife, “Would you still love me if I lost all my money?”
She said, “Of course I would. But I’d really miss you.”
- Daily Joke
Joke library
All Jokes
Browse every joke on Daily Joke in one place, with clean jokes, dad jokes, one-liners, animal jokes, work jokes, and more.
Roman Numeral Tattoo
A man walks into a tattoo shop and asks for his anniversary in Roman numerals.
The artist starts inking “IX.”
The man says, “Wait, that’s just 9!”
The artist shrugs. “Hey, buddy, you said you were married in September.”
- Daily Joke
The Desert Globe Souvenir
I once bought a beautiful snow globe on vacation.
When I got home, I realized it was just filled with sand.
Apparently, it was a “Desert Globe.”
Still the most accurate souvenir I’ve ever bought.
- Daily Joke
Dad's Joke Inheritance
My dad has been telling the same corny jokes for 20 years.
Last week, he looked at me and said, “Son, one day, all these jokes will be yours.”
I said, “That’s the worst inheritance I could imagine.”
He said, “Pun accepted.”
- Daily Joke
The Counselor’s Question
A couple went to a marriage counselor. The wife complained, “He never listens! He doesn’t pay attention to me at all!”
The counselor turned to the husband and said, “Sir, is that true?”
The husband replied, “What did she say?”
- Daily Joke
Museum Mummy Question
At a museum, a little boy pointed to a mummy and asked the guide, “Who is that?”
The guide said, “That’s an Egyptian who died thousands of years ago.”
The boy frowned. “Wow. Do we know what he died of?”
The guide said, “He probably stopped breathing.”
- Daily Joke
Turbulence Reassurance
On a turbulent flight, the captain comes on the intercom:
“Ladies and gentlemen, we’re experiencing some bumps, but there’s no cause for alarm.”
A few minutes later, the plane jolts violently, and a passenger shouts, “Captain, are we going to crash?!”
The flight attendant says, “Sir, if I knew that, I’d be the captain.”
- Daily Joke
Grandma's Hearing Aids
Grandma got new hearing aids that cost thousands of dollars. A month later, the doctor asked how she liked them.
“They’re wonderful!” she said. “I’ve heard conversations I hadn’t heard in years. I’ve already changed my will three times.”
- Daily Joke
Testing Her Hearing
A man suspected his wife was losing her hearing. To test it, he stood behind her and said softly, “Can you hear me, honey?” No answer.
He moved closer. “Can you hear me now?”
Still nothing. Finally, he whispered right behind her ear, “Can you hear me now?”
She turned around and said, “For the third time, YES.”
- Daily Joke
Time Traveler in Ancient Egypt
A man travels back to ancient Egypt. He says to a pyramid builder, “I’m from the future — we have machines that can lift massive stones easily!”
The worker wipes his brow and says, “That’s great. Could one of them lift my pay?”
- Daily Joke
The “Included” Breakfast
I stayed at a fancy hotel that said breakfast was “included.”
The next morning, I ordered eggs, bacon, and coffee.
When the bill came, I said, “Wait, I thought breakfast was included!”
The waiter said, “It is — included in the price of $29.99.”
- Daily Joke
Math Report Card
A father looks at his son’s report card and sighs. “You got an F in math? How did this happen?”
The boy says, “The teacher asked me how to convert centimeters to meters.”
“So what did you say?”
“I told her, ‘You take out the cent.’”
- Daily Joke
The Silent Treatment Backfires
A husband and wife had been arguing, and they both decided to give each other the silent treatment. Two days later, the husband realized he needed his wife to wake him up at 5 a.m. for an early flight. Too proud to break the silence, he wrote on a piece of paper:
“Please wake me up at 5.”
The next morning, he woke up at 9 a.m. — furious.
On his nightstand was another note:
“It’s 5. Wake up.”
- Daily Joke
History Exam Signature
A student was taking a history exam. The first question was, “Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?”
He thought hard and wrote: “At the bottom.”
- Daily Joke
The Missing Suitcase Problem
A man arrives at the airport baggage claim, but his suitcase never shows up. He goes to the counter and complains.
The clerk says, “Don’t worry, sir, we’re professionals. Your bag will be found and delivered to your home within 48 hours.”
The man says, “That’s great, but I live here.”
- Daily Joke
Get one good joke in your inbox
If this page made you smile, let us send you the next one.
Join the Daily Joke newsletter and get a clean, quick joke of the day by email.