Clark Kent and a Cannibal Walk Into a Restaurant
Clark Kent and a cannibal walk into a restaurant.
The waiter asks, "Soup or man?"
- Daily Joke
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What Doctor Treats Butterflies in Your Stomach?
What do you call the doctor who treats you when you have butterflies in your stomach?
A gastroentomologist.
- Daily Joke
18+ content
Does Pineapple Juice Really Improve the Taste? (NSFW)
They say drinking pineapple juice makes your semen taste better.
But personally, I think it just makes the pineapple juice taste worse.
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- Daily Joke
The Hospital Patient's Disgusting Breakfast Order
A man is admitted to the hospital overnight for some tests.
While settling into his room, he overhears his roommate ordering breakfast.
"I'd like scrambled eggs, but barely cooked. Make sure there's some eggshell in them."
"And I'd like cold black coffee. Not iced coffee, just coffee that's been sitting around since yesterday."
"Finally, I'd like orange juice served in a used urine specimen cup."
The cafeteria worker is horrified.
"Sir! That's absolutely disgusting! We can't serve you food like that!"
The patient replies:
"Why not? You did it yesterday!"
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18+ content
The Missing Spoon and the Two Priests (Adult Humor)
An older priest invites a younger priest to dinner.
During the meal, the younger priest notices the attractive housekeeper and wonders about their relationship.
The older priest assures him, "There's absolutely nothing going on between my housekeeper and me."
A week later, the housekeeper notices that a silver spoon is missing.
The older priest writes to his colleague:
"I'm not saying you took my spoon, and I'm not saying you didn't. But it's been missing since your visit."
A few days later, the younger priest replies:
"I'm not saying you're sleeping with your housekeeper, and I'm not saying you're not. But if you were sleeping in your own bed, you'd have found the spoon by now."
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The Prisoner Who Confessed to a Crime He Didn't Commit
A new inmate asks his cellmate what he's in prison for.
"Nothing. I confessed to a robbery I didn't commit."
"Why the hell would you do that?"
"My mother-in-law moved in."
The new guy looks across the hall and sees an old man stretched out on his bunk, smiling like he's on vacation.
"What about him? What's he in for?"
"That's her husband."
- Daily Joke
18+ content
Sunday Morning Romance and the Ice Cream Truck (NSFW)
A young woman visits her 95-year-old grandmother after hearing that her grandfather has died.
"Grandma, what happened to Grandpa?"
"He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
The granddaughter is horrified.
"Grandma! At your age, isn't that incredibly dangerous?"
"Not at all, dear. We were always very careful. We made love to the rhythm of the church bells. Nice and slow. In on the ding, out on the dong."
She pauses to wipe away a tear.
"He'd still be alive if that damn ice cream truck hadn't come along."
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- Daily Joke
18+ content
The Farmer Who Got an Elephant Trunk Transplant (NSFW)
A farmer suffers a terrible accident and loses his penis.
At the hospital, the surgeon explains that no human donor is available, but he can replace it with the trunk of a baby elephant.
Desperate for a solution, the farmer agrees.
A month later, he's attending an elegant dinner party with his wife.
Suddenly, his new appendage reaches out from beneath the tablecloth, grabs a bread roll, and disappears under the table.
His wife stares in amazement.
"Darling, that was incredible! Can you do it again?"
The farmer winces.
"Probably, but I don't think my ass can take another bread roll!"
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The Doctor and the Man Whose Leg Kept Asking for Money
A man visits his doctor with a strange complaint.
"Doctor, I think something is wrong with my leg. Listen to my thigh."
The doctor leans closer and hears a tiny voice saying, "Could you lend me $20?"
"Now listen to my knee," says the patient.
The doctor hears another voice: "Please, I just need $10!"
"And my ankle does it too!"
Sure enough, the ankle whispers, "Can you spare $5?"
The doctor examines the patient, consults several medical books, and finally announces:
"I think I know what's wrong. Your leg is broke in three places!"
- Daily Joke
Why Indiana Jones Never Met His Favorite Band
Why did Indiana Jones never get to meet his favorite rock band?
Because every time he encountered the Rolling Stones, he ran for his life.
- Daily Joke
Why I Always Tell My Kids I Love Them More
Whenever my children tell me, "Dad, I love you," I always respond, "I love you more."
Some people think that's sweet.
But I'm teaching my kids an important lesson about life.
Everything is a competition, and their father always wins.
- Daily Joke
How to Tell a Chemist From a Plumber
How can you tell a chemist and a plumber apart?
Ask them both to pronounce the word "unionized."
The chemist reads it as "un-ionized."
The plumber reads it as "union-ized."
- Daily Joke
The Unbelievable Tampon Sale at the Pharmacy
A woman walks into a pharmacy and spots a special offer on tampons: five boxes for just one dollar.
She can't believe the price and asks the pharmacist whether there's a catch.
"Not at all," he replies. "Five boxes for a dollar. No strings attached."
- Daily Joke
18+ content
What Do You Call a Cheap Circumcision? (NSFW)
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A ripoff.
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- Daily Joke
My Date Told Me She Was a Microbiologist
During dinner, my date mentioned that she was a microbiologist.
I looked at her suspiciously.
"Nice try. You look like a perfectly normal-sized biologist to me."
- Daily Joke
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