What She Really Says
My wife loves having sex with me!
Everytime I walk by or hear her talking about me to her friends, I always hear her say, "What a dick!"
- Daily Joke
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Why Swedish Ships Don’t Get Lost
Why don’t Swedish ships ever get lost?
Because they always follow the fjord!
- J
The Best Thing About Switzerland
What's the best thing about Switzerland?
I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
- Natasha
Socrates and My Roommate
Socrates once said, “The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.”
My college roommate must have been a genius — he knew nothing about everything.
- Daily Joke
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The Cruise Question
On my first cruise, I asked the captain if the ship ever sank.
He said, “Only once.”
Not comforting.
- Daily Joke
World's Best Sister Mug
For my sister’s birthday, I got her a mug that says “World’s Best Sister.”
She looked at it and said, “You know there’s only one of me, right?”
I said, “Yeah, that’s why it was on clearance.”
- Daily Joke
Life Without the Alarm Clock
My wife hates my alarm clock. Every morning when it rings, she elbows me and says, “Turn it off!”
So I finally did — for good.
Now, instead of an alarm, I wake up to her saying, “Why are you still here?”
- Daily Joke
Caveman Out Clubbing
A caveman walks into his cave holding a torch.
His wife says, “You smell like smoke! Where have you been?”
He says, “Out clubbing.”
- Daily Joke
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Getting Directions in Italy
While driving in Italy, I asked a local for directions.
He said, “Go straight until you see a church, then turn left after the second one.”
I said, “There are churches everywhere!”
He shrugged. “Then you’ll find God before you find your hotel.”
- Daily Joke
Dad's Internet Fix
My dad called me and said, “The internet is down.”
I asked, “What do you mean?”
He said, “Google won’t open.”
I said, “Did you restart the router?”
He said, “No, I restarted the fridge. That usually works.”
- Daily Joke
The Cooking Lesson Ends Early
My wife said she was going to teach me how to cook.
She started by saying, “Okay, first preheat the oven.”
I asked, “To what temperature?”
She said, “To the one I always use.”
I said, “And that would be…?”
She said, “The one that works.”
Lesson over.
- Daily Joke
War of 1812 Question
Teacher: “Who fought in the War of 1812?”
Student: “Everyone who was alive in 1812?”
- Daily Joke
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The Budget Airline Experience
I flew on a budget airline where the safety instructions were just: “Good luck.”
The seatbelt didn’t click — it Velcroed.
And when we landed, everyone clapped.
Not because it was good — just because we were alive.
- Daily Joke
Family Game Night
We tried to have family game night, but it turned into family argument night.
The rules were simple: no cheating, no yelling, no phones.
By the end, we’d broken all three — and possibly the board.
- Daily Joke
The Long Checkout Line
My wife told me she’d be quick at the store — “just a few things.”
Two hours later, I called to check on her.
She said, “Don’t rush me, I’m in the checkout line.”
I asked, “How many people are ahead of you?”
She said, “All of them.”
- Daily Joke
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