Anything I Wanted
When I was a kid, my parents told me I could be anything I wanted.
Apparently “well-rested adult” wasn’t on the list.
- Daily Joke
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The Anniversary Gift Request
A man asked his wife what she wanted for their anniversary.
She said, “Something that goes from 0 to 100 in under three seconds.”
So he got her a bathroom scale.
- Daily Joke
Skipping Gifts This Year
My husband and I decided we don’t need to exchange gifts this year.
We’re saving money for something really special — like therapy.
- Daily Joke
Wedding Vows Confusion
At a wedding, the priest says, “Do you take this woman for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health?”
The groom replies, “Yes, no, yes, no, no, yes—wait, what was the order again?”
- Daily Joke
Why Repetition Matters
A man says to his wife, “Honey, I just read that women use twice as many words as men.”
She replies, “That’s because we have to repeat everything to you!”
The man looks confused and says, “What?”
- Daily Joke
Speaking Softly at Home
My wife asked me why I spoke so softly around the house.
I said, “Because I don’t want to wake you up when I’m right.”
- Daily Joke
Napoleon and the Coat
Napoleon may not have designed his coat,
But he sure had a hand in it.
- Daily Joke
Julius Caesar Orders a Drink
Julius Caesar walks into a bar.
“I’ll have a martinus,” he says.
The bartender asks, “You mean martini?”
Caesar replies, “If I wanted a double, I’d have said so.”
- Daily Joke
Tired Medieval Knight
Why was the medieval knight always tired?
Too much chivalry kept him up all night.
- Daily Joke
Ancient Egyptians and Free Speech
Ancient Egyptians didn’t believe in free speech.
Everything was written in cursive.
- Daily Joke
Historian Breaks Up with the Calendar
Why did the historian break up with the calendar?
Too many dates.
- Daily Joke
What Jet Lag Really Means
Jet lag is just your body’s way of saying,
“You shouldn’t have left the couch.”
- Daily Joke
Travel Dreams vs Reality
I love to travel, but my wallet is strictly a homebody.
- Daily Joke
Breaking Up With GPS
I finally told my GPS I needed some space.
Now we’re not on the same route anymore.
- Daily Joke
Why Maps Always Lose at Poker
Why don’t maps ever win at poker?
They always fold.
- Daily Joke
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